put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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