does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
