Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
