Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
