where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize