Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Drunk is a universal language darling
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
