How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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