So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
