Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
