WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize