arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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