all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
