i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
