I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
