You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
