i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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