Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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