My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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