Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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