She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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