Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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