Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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