dude i'm inner monologue high
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
