I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
