We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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