It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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