White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
