I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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