I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize