Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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