I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
