Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
