So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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