Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize