started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Who died my cat blue again?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
