i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
