Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
