In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
