pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my poor anus
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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