I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
