Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
