honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
