Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
