This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
