Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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