meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
