She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
