I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Are we still banned from the library?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
