I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
