Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
