he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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