ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
