While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
