You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
