:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
