If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
