This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i need to put some appletini on your dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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