end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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