Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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