something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
