Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize