I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize