Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How does one acquire holy water?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
