there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
COCAINE IS GR8
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
