Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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