worst night to have a conscience
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
