too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
