dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Randomize
