i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
