i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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