guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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